we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
