Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
