So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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