Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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