He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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