this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
