her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I would ride that face into the sunset
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
