last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
