Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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