If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
