Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
