perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
