And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
