Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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