no, he came in my armpit
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
