if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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