You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
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every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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