sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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