I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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