I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
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Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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