cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
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He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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