So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
