I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Sorry about my life...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
