After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
