dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
