The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
