I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
