Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
