tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
only if we run a train.
done.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
