You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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