Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
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It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
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Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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