I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
