I'm really into asian looking animals
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
