It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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