i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
