Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
