he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize