At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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