last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
