I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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