I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
