in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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