I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
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Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
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I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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