You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
