Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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