just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
