I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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