If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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