Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize