I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
