Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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