Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize