I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
