you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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