Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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