I just saw a hot homeless man
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
