you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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