Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just pynch a tree in the face
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
