Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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