I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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