he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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