YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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