areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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