Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
