I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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