Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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