Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
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I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
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I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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