I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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