question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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